Category: Dean Koontz

Memo From an Unrepentant Blog Pimp

Okay, it’s time to ‘fess up. I’m a blog pimp. I push my blog on anybody, any site, any forum I come across. “Look atkirk.jpeg me!” I holler. “Ain’t I interesting? Ain’t I funny and spirited and thoroughly bad-assed? Ain’t I what you should be reading instead of debating who was the best Star Trek captain, Kirk or Janeway? And, by the way, isn’t it time you people put away the action figures and moved out of your parents’ basement…”

Fuck it. I’m tired of apologizing for having a terrific site that isn’t afraid to offend or make people think (often it’s one and the same). I’ve been trolling around in cyberspace for a good long while now and I see few author/writing blogs that even come close to mine. Sorry, but it’s the truth. Many people start their blogs with good intentions but fade after a few postings. Inactive. Dormant. Although I know the internet is literally infinite, there should be some method for disposing of sites that haven’t been updated in months, years. Some search worm that sniffs around until it comes to a stinking, flyblown carcass left unattended too long and devours it, right down to the bare bones.

Not me, I make regular postings and I like to keep things interesting. Controversial? Why not? Rattle some cages, fuck with people like sci fi techno-nerds, wannabe writers and half-baked intellects. Let them know that someone has wonder.jpegspotted them for the phonies they are and is willing to give them their just desserts. Do you like flashy movies with lots of special effects, scripted by a lamebrain who grew up friendless, alone, wanking over Wonder Woman comics? Do you spend most of your waking life on-line, searching out the latest pithy posting on the story cycle for the new “Battlestar Galactica” series or exchanging barbs with some asshole in Granby who refuses to recognize the mythic power of George Lucas’ grand, galaxy encompassing vision? Do you waste precious time trying to come up with something that rhymes with “Cthulhu” and “Quetzalcoatl”? Do books that challenge you to think offend you? Are you an academic afflicted with tunnel vision who believes anything written after Jane Austen is mere commentary?

Welcome to my shitlist.

If, on the other hand, you know what satire means, can recognize hyperbole and irony when they walk up to you and kick you in the nuts, “Beautiful Desolation” is the place for you. Tell your friends about this site, spread the word, add me to your blog roll. What the hell. At least once a week you’ll find something posted here that will make you smirk, wrinkle your brow in disappoval or out and out piss you off.

You’ll also find some pretty fucking good writing. Some terrific, mind-roasting short stories, written by a guy who knows how to put words together and make gorgeous music. My fiction wipes the floor with most of the crap circulating out there. Check out my tales and the excerpt I’ve posted from the best unpublished novel currently making the rounds. It’s called SO DARK THE NIGHT and brother/sister once you scan those first fifty pages, you’ll bedick.jpeg begging to find out what happens next. Are you looking for an author who’s a combination of Philip K. Dick, Ellison, Borges and the Brothers fucking Grimm? Dude, you just fucking found him. You want to wallow in shit, pick up the latest book by Crichton, Sawyer, Koontz or, God help you, Dan Brown. You want a reading experience you won’t forget, check out something by this Burns fella.

I’m not going away. Nossir. Call me a dolt, a bully, a boor, an elitist, shit on me as much as you want. I’m going to keep pushing this site on anyone I come across. I’ll pipe up in forums: “Hey, this is all very interesting but if you want something that will give your critical faculties a goose and get the ol’ grey matter fully engaged, check out my blog”. I’ll pimp and cajole and irritate until folks drop in for a visit just to satisfy themselves what an asshole I am. And then, hoo hoo hoo, boy, are they in for a surprise. I’m gonna fuck with their heads something terrible.

And I won’t apologize for that either.

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