Hating the sin, not the sinner

Anyone who buys or reads Fifty Shades of Grey:

* immediately loses the right to vote (only adults have that privilege)

* is likely obese (physically or mentally)

* won’t be able to decipher this quote from Jung:  “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls.”

* should be consigned to menial jobs (cleaning, service industry); work more suited to stunted intellects and invalid brains

* must enter mandatory counseling for those suffering from “intimacy problems” (i.e fear of penetrative intercourse and/or anything remotely resembling a healthy sexual attitude)

* will immediately enroll in Morons Anonymous, rising at their first meeting and loudly proclaiming:  “Hello, my name is ______________ and I’m a fucking moron”

* should turn in their library card (in a post-literate world, you won’t need one)

* probably hasn’t had a date for awhile

* is likely to be a shut-in (and if not, should be)

* clearly made a mistake not finishing high school

* signs their name with an “X”

* reads tabloids

* needs help


  1. mikecane

    Whatever comes next will be worse. Because there is always a Next Worse Thing.

    Amanda, etc, the Hyped Authors Of The Nano-Second, have nothing to do with me. Their audiences think a vacation is going to a corporate theme park, like Disney World.

  2. Cliff Burns

    Time to take a skimmer to the gene pool, eh, Mike?

    I’ve been assured that the dunderheads who scarf up shit like Fifty Shades et al aren’t “real” readers and that I shouldn’t pay attention to the monumental sales figures and just keep doing my thing. But for people of the Word, the Jameses and Hockings emerging from fan fic, the literary crotch rot that millions of idiots seem willing to consume, are harbingers of doom. These people are allowed to fucking vote, get elected to school boards, etc.? That’s terrifying! No wonder our institutions are turning to shit and many believe “culture” and “art” are what they stick on the front of their refrigerators.

    Book lovers, authors, the critical community need to take back literature from the assholes who insist we must “give the people what they want”.

    Surely, as artists and art connoisseurs we should aspire for higher goals/ideals than that.

  3. mikecane

    >>>These people are allowed to fucking vote, get elected to school boards, etc.?

    But they also do the work most people don’t want to do: Cleaning things (public restrooms), serving things (fast food), repairing things (plumbing, septic tanks).

    I call hyped books like 50 “Event Books.” They attract those who pick up the latest Hyped Thing and likely never read another book. But sometimes — sometimes — it can lead to other books, which can lead to better books.

    Shit does have its place. Most people start reading shit and many of them graduate to the Great Stuff.

    This is why 50 Shades and all the rest do not bother me.

  4. Cliff Burns

    I just don’t see some hapless twat who gobbles up Fifty Shades lurking around the literature section, do you, Mike? “Hmmm, I heard this Dubliners book is s’posed to be really good…”

    These are the type of people whose lips move when they read—not exactly the sort to have the courage and intelligence to task their minds with anything more complex than the back of cereal boxes, simple road signs, etc.

    Wish I shared your optimism. Now that publishers have figured out that most readers will accept a book that’s derivative, poorly written, no editing, no talent, the taps are open and the shit will flow…

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